Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be said to be the act of letting go of someone’s wrongdoings or inactions. It is the voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense and overcome negative emotions or bitterness. Forgiveness starts from the heart and not the mouth.

In the world today, there are several people who offend others and do hurtful things to people they claim to love and because of that, the wronged person often face emotional trauma of being ‘betrayed’ by his/her loved one. They feel that what the wrong doer had done is so painful and the bitterness cannot be forgotten. Instead of letting go, they prefer to be in bondage. 

Unforgiveness is a bondage and a form of slavery to people who refuse to ignore certain wrongdoings. Once one refuses to forgive his offender, he also hinders himself from progressing and locks himself in bondage. Most times, the offended person is always uncomfortable, sad and bitter each time he sees the offender. Many people ruin their health and lives by taking the poison of unforgiveness. It hinders our faith from working and stops our prayers from being answered. When one holds a grudge in his/her heart, he cannot access the throne of grace freely with a clear heart because the main thought that runs through his/her mind is what someone did to offend him/her. In order to live in the world without any form of guilt whatsoever, forgiveness is prerequisite. 

Forgiveness is central to Christian ethics because Christianity is about Christ and the forgiveness of sins. God forgave our sins while we were yet sinners and He expects us to do the same in our relationship with one another. Forgiveness is not an option for Christians, it is a necessity because in order to be forgiven by God, one must forgive his offenders. Matthew 6: 14-15 says, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses”. This means that we can only obtain mercy from God if we forgive others.

A Christian should be quick to forgive and forbear others no matter the number of time he/she is offended. Jesus Christ admonished Christians in Matthew Chapter 18 verse 22 to forgive their brothers seventy times seven times in a day and it is entirely impossible to be offended 490 times a day. This means that, we must be able to forgive everyone every time no matter what he or she has done. It takes love and the fruits of the Holy Spirit to be able to forgive. Once the Holy Spirit is present in the life of a believer, forgiveness would be very easy because unforgiveness and bitterness is of the devil. 

Forgiveness is the foundation to a better relationship with God and man and in order for one to be able to forgive, the first step he must take is decision to let go of the pains he/she feels. The offended person must understand fully well that forgiveness is a commandment from God. It is not easy to forget the sorrow caused by someone especially one you did not expect to hurt you, but once you make the conscious decision to forget, forgiveness becomes very easy.

Another step to forgiveness is reliance on the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is our comforter and he always gives us comfort each time we are hurt. He makes the pain go away and our hearts filled with peace. As he is our comforter, he is also our teacher. He teaches us on basic things of life, one of which is forgiveness. We have to rely on Him and ask him to give us the grace and ability to forgive our offenders because without Him, we can do nothing. He makes forgiveness easy for everyone who depends on him. 

The last and most important step in forgiveness is reconciliation. You have to let your offender know that you have forgiven him/her and you’re ready to move on. You have to mend your relationship with that person even if it may at that point be broken. Let the person know that you no longer feel grudges or hold malice against the person and restore that friendly relationship. 

Inasmuch as it is essential to forgive others of their wrongdoings, you must cultivate the habit of forgiving yourself. Don’t be hard on yourself each time you make a ‘costly’ mistake- accept what happened and show compassion on yourself. Forgiving yourself helps you learn from your mistake and grow as a person.